Saturday, June 23, 2012

Feminine discreet sensual my ass

Here is an interesting fact, FDS, was originally called Feminine Deodorant Spray, when it was introduced into Canada by the Alberto Culver company in 1970. This might not be one of the most commonly known facts or memorable dates for most Canadians, but it is something that I was reminded of today, when I read this humorous article about feminine hygiene, by Naomi McAuliffe, in the Guardian.

Naomi starts off with the Michigan politicians, who got banned for saying the word vagina, in an abortion debate and then goes on a rant about the now discontinued Linger vagina mints, the Smooth Groove camel toe camouflage pad and the FemFresh froofroo ad.

It is not that I am an expert on feminine hygiene or masculine hygiene, for that matter, if there is such a thing, but ever since the launch of FDS I do tend to pay more attention. Back in 1970 I was a 22 year old, assistant manager of a Miracle Mart Department Store in Dundas Ontario and ignoring the advice of my all female staff, I decided to go large on the launch of this new Health & Beauty category, feminine hygiene and bought two gross (that is 288 units for the metric crowd) of the new FDS.

Unfortunately, after two weeks we only sold two units, so I decided to promote the product by moving the remaining 286 units to an end cap at the front of the store facing the cash registers. Then to further entice our female customers to try the new product, I opened three packages and with masking tape marked them as testers.

Something I did not live down for my remaining two years in the Dundas store.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Confusing headlines

It turns out that the Toronto Star headline Rotting whale causes political stink is actually the title of a story about a rotting whale on a Nova Scotian beach and not an article about Harpers performance this week in Los Cabos Mexico.




Meanwhile here is a picture from Mexico of Obama making fun of Harper's dick size.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Harpers tar pit


Is the title of a one page article describing Harpers Canada by author Andrew Nikiforuk, in the current AdBusters and my new name for Alberta.

Thank you Andrew.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Sharing the voices in my head with the women of the night


Have you ever noticed the rush of adrenalin through the veins in your arms and hands? It happens whenever you are getting ready to do something that requires an increased flow of blood. Although it is most often recognized when preparing for a major exertion of energy, such as lifting weights, playing a sport and of course as a precipitable to the fight or flight response to stressful situations, it happens all the time.

In my post heart attack, hypersensitive state, I have become continually aware of minuscule fluctuations of the epinephrine hormone being excreted through my veins. Where I once excelled at working within stress filled environments, in so far as I was often accused of creating stressful stimuli, just to test the mettle of my fellow workers, I now find myself withdrawing from any exchange that causes the smallest hormonal ripple.

This regressive tendency of my depressed psyche to constantly reduce tension is setting me upon a path of self annihilation where my compulsive flight from stress, has manifested itself into long periods of silence throughout the daylight hours, as I withdraw from daily social interaction, followed by broken sleeping patterns, where I spend the darkened hours watching the repetitive stream of HBO & Showtime reruns.

However all is not lost, my desire for self-preservation grows, as I become increasingly infatuated with my women of the night. I might not be as powerful as Peg Gallagher yet, but I’m getting there. See you tonight ladies.

Nothing mysterious about gods followers

This is a picture of Stephen Woodworth, the Harper conservative MP from Kitchener Ontario who instead of facing total humiliation with the rejection of his private member’s bill and ending his backdoor attempt to revisit the legality of abortion, is using his mother’s impending death as an excuse for not bringing his bill to parliament. His private member’s bill will now receive it’s second hour of debate in the fall which will of course provide the anti-abortion wing-nuts two more months in the sun, to spread their bullshit. I’m not sure if this makes him pro-death, but he certainly is a sleaze bag.

Picture of an idiot


This is a picture of Larry Miller the Harper conservative MP from rural Ontario, who would like Canada to consider leaving the United Nations because of its criticism of the Harper government and he is an idiot.